It’s the first month of 2016 and I’m wondering if I made the right choice in changing careers at 45 years of age. I’m wondering if what I’m really looking for can be found in the existing paradigm offered through graduate school, clinical pastoral education or current leaders of church and state. These are just some thoughts to consider as a born trailblazer: your life experience is your education and you are constantly learning to see and hear what is life-giving and not life-giving in order to galvanize the role as a hope and transformational catalyst you were created to be.
I am highly educated and a natural leader. I carry a natural strength and confidence about me and this tends to trigger insecure people in authority to find ways to reject or cut me off. I’m beginning to see a pattern here that requires me to adjust my personality to make others feel comfortable in their own skin. I have done things in my life that required a lot of courage. Perhaps I wear a badge that pricks people because I have made lemonade out of lemons; I have earned the right to call myself an overcomer.
But this extremely painful and refining season feels like I’m being “born-again” again. I keep hearing messages from the pulpit about how God is “doing a new thing.” New things and new people are not widely welcomed because it introduces the discomfort of the “new” and tests the container’s ability to hold relevance in it’s light.
For those of you who experienced the uniqueness of Buff Mama, you know that not everyone loves a leader with strong convictions. It’s that same flavor that I’m seeking to create a fresh brand of chaplaincy or care for the soul. So far, I’m encountering a lot of bumps in the road and there is a whole lot of shaking going on.
I keep resorting back to expired ways of coping or thinking when in reality, God really is doing a new thing. The more I look for comfort outside of my intimacy with God, the greater the disappointment. This too is a sign of the times.
To all of you trailblazers out there, this is our time to recharge in our closets and step out in all the courage, humility and wonder of a highly favored child of the King. Reminding myself of my identity in Him and who He called me to be and do is meat. Though the mountains slide into the sea, we will not be shaken but all that needs to be buried, be buried!